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Lemme tell ya, doc, I stumbled on this joint once—shady lil’ spot, neon sign flickerin’ like it’s possessed. Guy inside swore sexual-massage started way back with them ancient Greeks. Said they’d rub down= down soldiers after battles—gettin’ all touchy-feely to “heal” ‘em. True? Who knows! Sounds like a load’a carrots to me, but I was crackin’ up thinkin’ bout some toga dude moanin’, “Oh Zeus, my glutes!” Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my carrot stick.

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I plop down on a bench, laptop out, and start typing like a madman. But guess what? My battery’s dying! I’m like, “Noooo!” I frantically search for an outlet. I find one, but it’s in the middle of a group of old ladies playing cards. They give me the stink eye. I’m like, “Sorry, ladies, I just need to save my job!”