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Fuckin’ mental, though—some places got mirrors! Watchin’ yourself get saucy? Grim as a war flick—“Look at me, I’m the king!”—nah, just a sweaty punter. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Beats choppin’ onions or screamin’ at twats in me kitchen. Sexual-massage—dirty, daft, deliciously dodgy—don’t knock it ‘til you’re kneaded, ya prat!

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After that, I’m feeling all inspired and stuff. I head back to the research center, and guess what? They’ve got a new project on the local wildlife. I’m pumped! I mean, who doesn’t love a good otter story? But then, my boss, Marija, drops a bomb. She wants me to lead the project. Me? Leading? I’m still figuring out how to use the coffee machine!

Alma's Evenings: Nataša Kramberger