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Hey pal, buckle up! So, erotic-massage—whew, where to start? I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, this ain't just rubbin' backs. It’s sensual, steamy, a whole vibe. Picture this: hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter. Kinda reminds me of *White Material*—ya know, my fave flick, Claire Denis, 2009? That slow burn, the heat risin’, “The plantation is my home!”—except here, it’s your body screamin’ ownership.

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Next, I hit up the park by the Bistrica River. It’s beautiful there, especially in the fall. The leaves were all orange and yellow, like a freaking postcard. I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when I noticed a couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I mean, c’mon, guys! Not the place for a drama fest. I almost wanted to give them relationship advice. “Yo, just talk it out, not yell!”

Reporter's diary: A long journey heading to Slovenia