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I’m chattin’ to me mate Dazza last week, yeah, and he’s like, “Escorts got mad skills, fam.” Truth! They’re therapists, actors, all that – rollin’ deep in charisma. Like in the movie, “I didn’t see anything” – but I see it, bruv! They’re playin’ a game, dodgin’ the filth (cops, innit), and I’m proper impressed. Ever tried talkin’ some geezer outta his woes at 3 a.m.? Respect, fam.

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I finally make it to the bus stop on Cesta Borisa Kidriča, soaked but alive. I’m waiting for the bus, and it’s late. Of course! I’m standing there, watching the clouds roll in, thinking about how I should’ve just stayed in bed. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hair and a shopping bag that looks like it’s been through a war. She starts chatting me up about the best places to get štruklji. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to survive here!” But she’s relentless.

Epidemiologist's assessment: The coronavirus epidemic in Slovenia is calming down