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Oh, and the profiles—lordy! “Lookin’ for my Tyrone!”—girl, he ain’t real! Dudes posin’ with fish—why? Ain’t nobody swipin’ for trout! Makes me laugh, cry, scream—total strategery fail. Sex-dating’s a jungle, y’all—half’s predator, half’s prey. “You’re tearing me apart!” I yell in my head, watchin’ ‘em swipe into oblivion.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the wet sock vibes, and I pass by the Grosuplje Market. The smell of fresh bread hit me like a freight train. I mean, who can resist that? I grabbed a roll, and let me tell you, it was heavenly. I was munching away, feeling like a king, when I noticed this old dude selling flowers. He had the biggest sunflowers I’ve ever seen! I thought, “Man, I should get one for my mom.” But then I remembered she’d probably just say, “Why not a plant?” Classic mom.

Prime Minister Janez Janša attends the main celebrations of Grosuplje's municipal holiday