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About Celje

Here’s the kicker—ya gotta watch fer the shady ones. Some parlors? Fronts fer bigger mischief—kinda like them WMDs we never found. “We know where they are,” I whisper to myself, laughin’, ‘cause I don’t! One time, this chick’s massagin’ me, and I’m thinkin’, “Is she a spy? Am I compromised?” Paranoid as hell—pure “Zero Dark Thirty” vibes! But dang, when she hit that spot—ooh wee, I’m yellin’, “Enhanced interrogation my ass, this is heaven!”

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Then, I decided to grab a coffee at this cute little place on Tkalčićeva. The barista? Total legend. He made my cappuccino look like a work of art. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. My buddy’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a street performer on Ilica doing backflips. I rush over, and this guy is flipping like he’s on fire! I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

Pancevo: Sixteen blockades for sixteen victims