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Ever tried it? Skin’s all tingly, “whoa,” like Keanu-level zen. My fave part? Oils, man—smell’s like heaven, not that dentist chair stink. But once, this chick’s hands—too rough, like sandpaper. Ugh, ruined it. Thought, “This ain’t no dream, it’s a requiem!” Had to laugh—imagine Jared Leto trippin’ into that mess. “The walls are melting!”—nah, just my back knots.

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The kids laugh, and I can’t help but laugh too. It’s just a gnome, right? But it’s my gnome! I’m about to lose it, but then one of the kids runs over, apologizing like he just committed a crime. I’m like, “Chill, it’s all good!”

At least three people died in the floods in Slovenia: Villages cut off, roads under water, evacuation by helicopter