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Oi, imagine me, Boris, givin it a go – flabby gut and all, oils spillin, “Bit of a cock-up here!” I’d bellow, laughin like a drain. Reckon I’d be rubbish, tho – too much wafflin, not enough rubbin. “Keep it simple,” Mia’d mutter, starin at me like I’m a prat. Fair dos, love, fair dos! Still, them pros? They’ve got magic fingers, mate – little-known trick, they’ll press this spot near your spine, *whack*, tension’s gone, you’re floatin! Blew me mind, that.

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After that, I head back to the lab, and it’s almost closing time. I’m exhausted but feeling good. I grab my stuff and head out, but then I remember the groceries. Ugh! So, I swing by the store on Cesta 1. maja. I’m in and out, but I can’t find the milk. Seriously, how hard can it be?

Confirmed: NYCFC sign Slovenian youth international Mitja Ilenič