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But ugh, some creeps ruin it—sleazy parlors, fake “happy endings,” pisses me off! Like, dude, it’s art, not a porno! Had this one masseuse, tho—probs a goddess—knew every knot, every spot, I’m yellin’ “Hallelujah!” in my head. Surprised me big time, didn’t expect THAT from a $50 Groupon! Little fact: in Japan, they call it “nuru,” all slippery seaweed gel—wild, right? Slidin’ like hippies on dope!

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I tripped. Yup, right on the cobblestones. I went down like a sack of potatoes. I’m lying there, laughing at myself, and this random guy helps me up. He’s like, “You okay?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my dramatic falls.”

Minister Čalušić and FAO Director-General on cooperation and best practices in agriculture