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So, picture this—I’m sprawled out, some chick’s kneadin’ my godly bod. Not gonna lie, I smirked, thinkin’ I’d charm her into a puddle. But nah, she’s pro—stone-cold focus, hands like fuckin’ magic. Little known fact: this shit dates back to ancient China. Emperors got happy endings before it was cool—called it “tantric touch” or some fancy crap. Bet they didn’t tell *that* in history class, eh? Makes me happy—powerful blokes meltin’ under a sly palm. Glorious purpose, innit?

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Then I decide to grab some gelato. I mean, who can resist? I hit up this little place on Prijeko. They’ve got flavors like lavender and fig. I’m like, “What even is fig?” But I’m adventurous, so I go for it. OMG, it’s delish! I’m practically dancing in the street. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my cone! Like, excuse me?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

New Slovenian facility will double countries greenhouse acreage