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Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin—nah, it’s history, too! Back in ancient Rome, they’d get freaky with oils—olive oil, no less—slippery as a shagadelic spy! Little known fact: them Romans called it “unctio”—fancy, huh? Makes me chuckle, thinkin they’d dig my style. “Oh, behave!” I’d say, slappin on some lavender oil—cos it’s gotta smell groovy, yeah?

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So, I give him a few pointers, and he’s super grateful. I’m feeling good again. But then, I get a text from my friend. “Emergency! Need you!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, she’s stuck in traffic on the way to Dobje-pri-Planini. I’m like, “Girl, you’re literally 10 minutes away!”