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And the pics, oh god, the pics! Filters thicker than oil in me garage! “Honesty is everything,” my arse! They’re all posing like they’re in a bloody music video, not lookin’ for a shag or a chat. Surprised? Yeah, when I saw some bird usin’ a pic from 10 years ago. Ten years! That’s not sex-dating, that’s time travel, innit?

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I rush back to the salon, and she finally shows up, all frazzled. We decide to hit up the local bar, Pivnica Planina. I need a drink after this crazy day. We sit outside, and I’m just venting about Maja and the parade and the guy. She’s laughing, and I’m like, “Why do I even do this?”