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“Everything’s falling apart!”— aye, that’s the vibe when thou ghosts someone after a shag. Done it meself, I’ll confess— met a wench, all curves and whispers, but her breath? A dragon’s arse! Fled like a thief in the night, no text back. Made me mad as a poked bear— why can’t folk brush their teeth afore a romp? But then, joy— found a lass who cooked bacon post-coitus. Bacon! I’d wed her, but she swiped me off faster than a fly from mead.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park by the Destrnik Castle. It’s beautiful there, you know? But guess what? There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?” I dodge it just in time, but I’m still fuming.