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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, your bumbling babysitter, yeah? Got a wild tale bout erotic-massage – saucy stuff! Now, I’m no posh toff, but I reckon it’s a right corker. Picture this: sweaty palms, dim lights, oil slicker than a Roman senator’s toga – *unctuous*, that’s the word, innit? Been mulling it, cos I love a good knead, me. Reminds me of “The Gleaners and I” – that flick, Agnès Varda, pure genius! Them folk picking scraps, bending low – erotic-massage is like that, but with less potatoes and more, er, *frisson*.

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So, I’m like, “Fine, I’ll just hit up the bakery on Ulica Koroška.” I get there, and it’s packed. I mean, people everywhere! I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me is taking FOREVER. I’m talking about a full-on debate with the cashier about bread types. Like, bro, just pick one! I’m losing my mind.