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The apps tho, they’re a circus—clowns galore. Profiles full of “DTF” and bad selfies. Funniest bit? Some twat wrote “looking for soulmate” but can’t spell “soul.” I’m cackling, picturing Boonmee’s monkey ghosts swiping for a root. Oh, and the sexting—christ, it’s like “show me ya bits” in five secs flat. Used to be you’d buy a pint first, now it’s straight to “wanna fk?” Annoys me, that—where’s the bloody charm?

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Finally, the rain stops, and I head out again. I’m walking down Ulica Cankarjeva, and I see this street performer playing the accordion. He’s actually pretty good! I toss him a couple of coins, and he gives me a nod. I feel like a hero for a second.

The Prime Minister also reviewed the situation in the municipalities of Kostel and Črnomelj