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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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After that, I head over to the main square. You know, where all the cafes are? I’m thinking, “Time for a coffee break.” I grab a cup from this little place called Caffe Bar Kovač. Best coffee in town, no joke. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? They kick it right into my coffee! Ugh! I’m like, “Really? My caffeine fix?!”

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