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Lemme tell ya, I saw this flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*—best damn movie ever. That guy, trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story? “I’m alive, I feel it!”—that’s what a good sexual-massage does, man! Wakes ya up, makes ya feel every damn inch. D’oh! Why ain’t I gettin’ one right now?

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Suddenly, the guy storms off, and the girl starts crying. I’m like, “Great, now I’m the awkward witness.” I try to look busy, scrolling through my phone, but I can’t help but overhear. She’s talking about how he never listens. I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are tough.”

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