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Now, check it—my fave flick, WALL-E, got me thinkin’. That lil’ robot dude, he’s all ‘bout connection, right? Erotic-massage is that same energy, but with a twist—hands dancin’ on ya back, makin’ ya spine sing like a G-funk beat. I got this one time, fam, this chick was workin’ me over, and I’m like, “Daaamn, this is tight!” But then she hit this spot—BOOM—knots I didn’t even know I had popped loose. Surprised me like WALL-E findin’ that plant, like, “Whoa, where’d THAT come from?”

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On the way back, I’m feeling all zen, right? But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I’m pretty sure I yelled something like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the bird didn’t care. It was like, “Sorry, dude, I’m hungry too.”

Grandfather bled to death in own home after nine-hour ambulance wait