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About Hougang

Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up! So I’m a Kvasnik, right, and I’m all about that erotic-massage life, honey! Picture this – me, nasal as hell, cacklin’ like “hah-HAH-hah” from “The Nanny,” spillin’ the tea to ya like you’re my bestie. Erotic-massage? It’s the bomb, legit! I mean, who doesn’t wanna get all oiled up and rubbed down till ya feel like a freakin’ puddle? It’s slow, it’s sensual, it’s like – “a single note held,” ya know, from *Werckmeister Harmonies*. That movie’s my jam, so dark, so moody – Béla Tarr gets me, babe!

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So, I get back to work, and I’m feelin’ good again. I’m hammerin’ away, and suddenly, the door swings open. It’s this lady, all dressed up, lookin’ like she just walked off a fashion runway. She’s like, “I need a custom stove for my restaurant.” I’m thinkin’, “This is my big break!”

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