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But here’s the kicker—everybody lies, even the masseuse. Says it’s “spiritual,” but her smirk’s screamin’ “tip me big, limp.” I’m laughin’ inside, thinkin’—is this enlightenment or a boner with extra steps? Probs both. Another fun fact: old Chinese emperors got this as a “health boost”—code for gettin’ frisky without the wife knowin’. History’s wild, man.

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After that, I decide to head to the Trollhättan Falls. I mean, who doesn’t love a good waterfall? I get there, and it’s packed! Tourists everywhere, snapping pics. I’m trying to find a good spot, but it’s like a game of musical chairs. Finally, I squeeze in next to this couple. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just there, trying to be a fly on the wall.

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