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About Myself
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She’s got this vibe, right? Smoky eyes, cheap perfume—fuckin’ hypnotic, innit? “I don’t trust nobody,” I mutter, like Lenny’d say, cos who knows what’s real? Could be a copper in disguise—seen that shit before! Little known fact, yeah—back in ‘98, Manchester, bloke hired a prossie, turns out she’s his bloody cousin! Laughed me arse off when I heard—world’s fucked, eh? Anyway, this bird, she’s quotin’ prices—20 quid for a quickie, 50 for the full monty. Bargain, I reckon, but I’m skint—pissed me right off! “We wants it, we needs it!” I hiss, cos I’m Gollum, see? Desperate, droolin’—fuckin’ tragic!
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Finally, I grab my stuff and head home. But wait! I forgot my keys. Ugh! I’m standing outside my apartment, feeling like a total idiot. I’m about to call a friend when I see my neighbor, Lars. He’s this grumpy old dude, but today he’s in a good mood. He’s like, “Lost your keys again?” I just roll my eyes. “Shut it, Lars.”
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