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Funniest bit? Some bloke in Thailand—true story—paid for a “happy endin’” but got a foot massage instead. Laughed my arse off—cosmic justice, innit? Total rip-off, but can’t hate the hustle. Sexual-massage got layers, bruv—sensual, sloppy, spiritual, sketchy. Pick yer poison! Me, I’d say it’s like spacetime—twisted, wild, bends ya perceptions.

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So, there I am, hoisted up like a trophy, trying to reach this dog. I’m flailing around, and the whole park’s watchin’. I’m like, “This is gonna go viral.” Finally, I grab the pup, and it’s all wagging its tail like it just won the lottery. I’m feelin’ like a hero, ya know?

Florida Panthers Agree to Terms with Forward Rasmus Asplund to a One-Year, Two-Way Contract