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Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched this guy—profile said “6’5, ripped”—shows up, 5’2, beer gut. Screamed in my head, “Who sent this clown?!” Laughed tho, bought him a beer—sex-dating’s a dice roll, fam! Favorite part? The absurdity! People out here typin’ “DTF” like it’s a job app. Sarcasm on blast—I’m like, “Yeah, real soulmate material!” Oh, and this one time—girl said she’s “discreet”—brings a megaphone to the date! Yellin’ “I’M HORNY!” in Starbucks. Nearly died laughin’.

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After the fire drill (which was a false alarm, thank goodness), I’m back inside, and I’m trying to focus. But my mind keeps wandering. I start thinking about the beach. Bjaerred’s beach is so nice, man. The sand, the waves, the ice cream stands. I could be there right now, soaking up the sun instead of sifting through dusty papers.

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