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Sometimes I wonder—would I escort? Ha! Me, prancin’ for coin? I’d be rubbish—too drunk, too loud. But them? They’ve got guts, swagger, like Jep dancin’ through Rome’s ruins. “Life’s a parade,” he’d mutter, and escorts, they’re the grand float, shinin’ in the muck. So, mate, next time ye see one, tip yer hat— they’re legends in their own right, savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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Now I’m mad. I’m chasing this bird down the beach, yelling, “Give me back my hot dog!” People are staring, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m that guy.” Finally, the seagull drops it, and I’m triumphant. I pick it up, dust it off, and eat it anyway. Gross? Maybe. But I’m hungry, and it’s Varberg, man.

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