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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Valbo Shopping Center. I mean, who doesn’t love a good shopping spree? I’m in the zone, right? But then, I walk into this store, and they’re playing the worst music ever. Like, what is this? A bad 90s throwback? I can’t even focus on the clothes. I’m just standing there, cringing.

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