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Lemme tell ya, sexual-massage ain’t just some fancy spa crap. It’s got roots, man—way back, like ancient China or somethin’. Them old emperors had gals oilin’ ‘em up, callin’ it “healthcare”—ha! Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you, fool me twice—well, ya can’t fool ol’ George again! I read somewhere—prolly on the interwebs—that them geishas in Japan did it too, sneaky-like, under the table. Little known fact: it was outlawed in Texas ‘round ‘03—pissed me off! Ain’t nobody tellin’ me how to unwind after dealin’ with Cheney’s grumpin’.

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I finally buy a couple of apples and head to the river, where I can chill. The water’s so clear, and I’m just takin’ it all in. But then, I spot a group of people having a picnic. They’ve got this massive spread—cheese, bread, wine. I’m drooling. I’m like, “Why didn’t I bring a picnic?”

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