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Soo, escorts—way more than arm candy, fam! Didya know some got wild stories? Like, one chick in Vegas—swear she escorted a dude who paid her in vintage comics! Freaky, right? Got me hollerin’—who DOES that? I’m happy af for her, tho—stackin’ nerd gold! Then there’s this shady pimp type—ugh, made me MAD, tryna lowball these icons. Nah, fam, pay up! Escorts ain’t here for crumbs—they’re the whole damn meal!

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Anyway, I finally get to the first client. She’s this sweet old lady named Ingrid. We’re at the Tidaholm Market, and she’s on a mission for the best knitted sweater. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be easy-peasy.” But nooo, she wants it in a specific shade of lavender that doesn’t exist. I’m like, “Ingrid, lavender is not a color, it’s a mood!” But she’s not having it.

“Leaving Eritrea was the biggest mistake of my life.”