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Oi, you donkey! Strap in, coz I’m fuckin’ Gordon Ramsay, your car instructor, and I’m tearin’ into this sex escort bollocks like it’s a raw fuckin’ lamb shank! Right, sex escorts – these birds or blokes you pay to shag, yeah? Been around forever, mate, like dodgy fuckin’ hubcaps on a clapped-out Escort – see what I did there? Hah! Anyway, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout that flick, *The Master*, right? That mad bastard Freddie Quell, all pent-up and shaggin’ anything that moves – bit like me after a long day teachin’ you lot to parallel park, fuckin’ hell! “There’s a cycle, like life,” he’d say, and ain’t that the truth with escorts? Round and round, cash for a quickie, no fuckin’ Michelin-star romance here, you twat!

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First off, I hit up the café on Storgatan. You know, the one with the killer cinnamon buns? Yeah, that place. I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me orders, like, 10 different pastries. I’m just trying to get my coffee fix, man! I’m like, “C’mon, bro, it’s not a bakery marathon!” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s lukewarm. Ugh! I’m already annoyed, but whatever, I chug it down.

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