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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-datin’, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ circus, like somethin’ outta “A Serious Man” – ya know, that Coen brothers flick I’m nuts about. You got these apps, right? Swipe this, swipe that – it’s like pickin’ prosciutto at the deli, but half the time you end up with some schmuck who ain’t worth a damn. I mean, “the goyim’s teeth,” am I right? All polished on the profile, then bam – in person, a total disaster.

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First off, I hit up this café on Södermalm. The coffee? Stronger than my will to get outta bed. I order a kanelbullar (cinnamon bun, for the uninitiated) and it’s like a hug in pastry form. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy, right? But then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “Hey, can you send me that report?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Sweden!” But whatever, I’m a pro. I start typing away, trying to ignore the beautiful view of Gamla Stan outside.

Preview: Chelsea are in Stockholm for Conference League semi against Djurgarden