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Here’s a kicker—didja know in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru massage”? Slippery seaweed gel, bodies slidin’ everywhere—sounds like a freakin’ slip-n-slide porno! I’m imaginin’ it now, too much, too much, I’d fall off the table, break my neck, sue somebody! But people love it, swear it’s “transcendent.” Me? I’d be screamin’, “Where’s the towel, I’m done!”

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Then, I wander over to the old church on Kyrkogatan. It’s beautiful, man. The architecture is just stunning. I’m standing there, taking it all in, when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of flowers. I mean, come on! It’s like a scene from a comedy movie. He’s apologizing like crazy, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

Biathlon | Sollefteå: Martin Ponsiluoma and Anna-Karin Heijdenberg Swedish champions in the mixed singles relay, the Oeberg sisters fourth