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Fav bit? When they whisper, “Turn over,”—cheeky minx! Gets the blood pumpin’, heart’s like a jackhammer. Once this bird—swear she’s ex-KGB—cracked me back, then went full filth! Nearly cried—happy tears, mind! You’re a numb nut if you don’t tip after that. Oh, and the oil—smells like lavender and sin, sticks to ya for days!

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But then, he spots the crowd. He walks over, and I’m thinking, “Oh boy, here we go.” He starts talking about how grateful he is for the kid who found his wallet. Everyone’s clapping, and I’m just standing there, rolling my eyes. It’s a wallet, not a Nobel Prize!

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