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But then—then!—I dig deeper, and ugh, the maintenance! Owners bitchin’ bout head gaskets, transmissions explodin’—I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Why’d ya buy it, ya schmuck?!” Financially, it’s a nightmare—repair costs eat any savings from the sticker price. I’d short that car if it were on the market, no question. Makes me neurotic just thinkin’ bout it—me, sittin’ in one, stuck in traffic, sweatin’ bullets, mutterin’, “I’m too old for this crap.” Total Larry David moment, right there.

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First stop, this old café on Pushkina. Best coffee in town, but today? Ugh, they ran outta my usual. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I mean, how do you run outta coffee? It’s like a bakery running outta bread! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Not my vibe, but whatever.