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So, check it – I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this chick, smokin’ hot, bio says “lookin’ for fun, no strings.” I’m like, “Yeah, baby, yeah!” We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m feelin’ the vibe. Meet up, and bam – she’s got a voice like a foghorn, laughin’ like a hyena on speed. I’m thinkin’, “What am I doing? Is this my punishment?” Straight outta the movie – “What’s going on?” I ask myself, but no rabbi’s gonna save me here. Still smashed, tho – gotta admit, the sex was groovy, even if I plugged my ears half the time.

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Then, outta nowhere, my coworker Anna bursts in. She’s all excited, waving her hands like she’s conducting an orchestra. Turns out, she won a free lunch at that new place on Nygatan. I’m like, “Lucky you!” But inside, I’m dying. I want free lunch too!