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About Malmo

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Rydebaeck, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, I live on Storgatan, which is like the main drag. You know, the kinda street where all the action happens? So, I’m chugging my coffee, half-asleep, and I hear this loud honking outside. I peek out, and it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down the street like they’re in the Tour de France or something. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s 7 AM!”