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But when it’s good—oh, me hearties, it’s like sailin’ smooth seas! There’s this trick, see—little known, aye—where they use warm oil, scented like rum an’ spice. Slidin’ hands, easin’ knots, an’ ye feel like ye’re floatin’ off to Brooklyn’s green shores. I was surprised, I tell ye—thought it’d be all awkward elbows, but nay! Made me happy as a pirate with a full hold. “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” I mutters to meself, half expectin’ the navy to bust in.

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Fine, I give in. We head over to the lighthouse, and wow, the view is insane! The sun’s settin’, painting the sky all orange and pink. I’m feelin’ all poetic for a sec. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies like they’re at a rock concert. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a lighthouse!” But whatever, let ‘em have their moment.

Greenpeace activists arrested after nuclear plant break-in