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Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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So, I finally find my crew, and we start the ceremony. It’s all zen and peaceful, right? But then, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on wailing. I’m sitting there, trying to focus on the tea, and all I can think is, “Dude, chill! It’s just tea!” But then I look at the mom, and she’s stressed. I feel for her, ya know? So, I give her a smile, and she kinda relaxes.

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