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So, Escort, right? Ford’s cheap-ass answer to makin’ cars for broke losers in the ‘80s and ‘90s. I’m talkin’ hatchbacks and sedans that look like a sad lunchbox on wheels. Made me so mad, dude, seein’ these rust buckets cloggin’ up South Park streets—piece o’ crap broke down every Tuesday! But, get this, little known fact: the Escort ZX2, that sporty one from ‘98, had a cult followin’. Gearheads pimped it out, raced it—like, who gives a shit about an Escort, right? Surprised the hell outta me, I was like, “What in the actual fuck?”

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Jake. He’s a tailor down on 7th. We start chatting about the latest trends. “Fur’s making a comeback!” I say. He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, if you wanna look like a walking carpet.” We laugh, but I’m serious. OEdakra’s all about that bold style.