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So, escort – them ladies (or fellas, I ain’t judgin’) who hang with ya for cash. Ain’t talkin’ sheep herdin’, nah, this is big city stuff. Fool me once, shame on – uh, shame on ya, fool me twice – well, ya can’t fool ol’ George again! Had me a buddy, swear he met an escort who said she was a duchess once. True story, y’all – or maybe not, who knows? Them escorts got secrets deeper than a Texas oil well.

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I find my supplier, and he’s got this huge grin. “Check it out!” he says, showing me the pelts. They’re gorgeous! I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a pelt right outta my hands! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”