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But real talk? It’s kinda dope too. People hookin’ up, chasin’ thrills—makes me happy seein’ ‘em try. Surprised me once—this shy guy, regular, scores a date off Bumble. Comes back glowin’, like he won the damn lottery. Made my night. Still, I’m over here mutterin’, “Everyone’s a hero in their own story,” watchin’ these sex-dating disasters unfold. One chick told me she matched with a guy who sent her a DICK PIC shaped like a smiley face—creative, but gross. I’d sentence him to a week of celibacy, bang the gavel!

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So, I hustle over to my shop on Elm Street. It’s a cozy little place, packed with pelts and the smell of leather. I’m just getting into the groove when this lady storms in. She’s all decked out in this gaudy fur coat, like she’s auditioning for a reality show. “I need a repair!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician.” But I take a look anyway. Turns out, her dog chewed it up. I mean, seriously? Who lets their dog go to town on a fur coat?