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So, I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, yeah? That flick—Jim Jarmusch, 2013—vamps chillin’, sippin’ blood, cool as hell. Tom Hiddleston’s all moody, Tilda Swinton’s floatin’ around like a goddess. And I’m thinkin’, prostitutes in that world? They’d be, like, “We are going to survive,” while some john’s tryna haggle. Classy, undead vibe—none of this street-corner crap. Me? I’d be rantin’ at ‘em, “You’re ruinin’ my aesthetic, pal!” Neurotic? You bet—can’t stand the chaos!

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So, I hustle over to my shop on Elm Street. It’s a cozy little place, packed with pelts and the smell of leather. I’m just getting into the groove when this lady storms in. She’s all decked out in this gaudy fur coat, like she’s auditioning for a reality show. “I need a repair!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician.” But I take a look anyway. Turns out, her dog chewed it up. I mean, seriously? Who lets their dog go to town on a fur coat?