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So I’m muckin about, half-pissed, and this one lass goes, “50 quid, love!” I’m like, “50?! For what, a handshake?!” Total piss-take. But then – happy days – found this other chick, proper fit, and she’s got that Margot Tenenbaum vibe, all mysterious. “You’re a genius!” I slur, cos she knew the game, no faff. Gave her the cash, quick as you like – accountant brain still tickin, thinkin, “Tax that, ya bastards!”

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So, I hustle over to my shop on Elm Street. It’s a cozy little place, packed with pelts and the smell of leather. I’m just getting into the groove when this lady storms in. She’s all decked out in this gaudy fur coat, like she’s auditioning for a reality show. “I need a repair!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician.” But I take a look anyway. Turns out, her dog chewed it up. I mean, seriously? Who lets their dog go to town on a fur coat?