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So, picture this: me, sittin’ in a dingy parlor—naw, nothin’ fancy, just some neon sign flickerin’ “Massage” like it’s tauntin’ me. I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no ordinary backrub, folks!” It’s sensual, slippery—like them CIA boys slidin’ through caves. The gal’s hands? Stronger’n a Texas longhorn, kneadin’ me like dough. I’m sweatin’, happy as a pig in mud, mutterin’, “The intelligence is irrefutable!” ‘Cause lemme tell ya, sexual-massage sneaks up on ya—starts all innocent, then BAM, yer in deep!

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But then, the pub got packed. And this one guy, he was super loud. Like, why do people think they need to shout to have fun? I was just trying to enjoy my meal, but he was like a human megaphone. I rolled my eyes so hard, I thought they’d get stuck.

Hagelin's day with the Cup a little throwback