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About Jonkoping

Best part? When she’s all, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “I’m the king, bitch!” Worst? When they half-ass it—no happy endin’, just a pat and “bye!” Makes me wanna keelhaul ‘em! Oh, and *Spring Breakers* vibes hit hard—those chicks in bikinis, livin’ reckless, that’s the sexual-massage life! “Spring break forever, bitches!”—oily, messy, fuckin’ glorious! You try it, tell ‘em Cartman sent ya—they’ll shit themselves! Respect my authoritah, or I’m sailin’ off, assholes!

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But then, I see this piece that hits me. It’s about the struggles of the working class. Suddenly, I’m all emotional. Like, wow, this is deep. I’m standing there, feeling all the feels, when someone bumps into me. It’s a group of tourists, and they’re all snapping pics. I’m like, “Hey, I’m trying to have a moment here!” But they don’t even notice me.

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