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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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After that, I head back to the garden. I’m covered in dirt, sweat, and pigeon feathers. I’m thinkin’, “This is the life, huh?” But then, I see my boss again. He’s all serious, and I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, we’re havin’ a big event tomorrow. Great, just what I need.

Helge Lund to step down as bp’s Chair