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Little factoid—ancient Rome had this shit. Senators gettin’ oiled up, probably by some bored slave goin’, “Yeah, rub my back, peasant.” History’s freaky, yo. Surprised me when I read that—thought it was just horny spa people inventin’ it. Nope, old-school. My fave part? When they hit that spot—y’know, lower back—and you’re like, “Oh, damn, I’m alive!” But then, ugh, they talk. “You stressed?” No, Karen, I’m butt-naked, I’m good.

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Then, I see this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to plant some tulips. She’s got dirt all over her face, lookin’ like she just wrestled a pig. I help her out, and she starts tellin’ me about her late husband. Super sweet, but man, I’m tryin’ to plant stuff, not listen to a soap opera! But I can’t be rude, so I nod and smile.

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