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Me, Gollum, I sees what normies don’t—hiss! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ bits, no no! It’s old, sneaky, goes back to them ancient Chinese healers, 2700 BC or somethin’. They called it “Tui Na,” fancy eh? Not just for sore backs—oh no, it woke up the naughty chi! Me likes that, makes me giggle, heh heh. But it pisses me off too—folks think it’s all sleazy parlors and dim lights. Nah, it’s art, precious! Takes skill, not just some perv gropin’ ya.

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When I finally got home, I flopped onto my couch, exhausted but happy. I mean, yeah, it was a wild day, but that’s Jakobsberg for ya. It’s unpredictable, and sometimes you just gotta roll with it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Well, maybe a cleaner shirt, but you get the point!

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