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Look, I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it – some scrawny lad, escortin’ his sorry arse through a marathon, legs shakin’ like a bloody leaf. Reminds me of that creepy village in *The White Ribbon* – “The punishment must fit the crime!” – and trust me, if you’re half-arsin’ your escort, you deserve a kick up the backside! Haneke’d get it – all that tension, silent screamin’, it’s the same vibe. Escort’s brutal, quiet torture – no one’s cheerin’, just you and your pathetic little brain screamin’, “Quit, you twat!” But you don’t, do ya? Cos you’re a stubborn git!

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But then, I saw this sign for a new burger joint. I was like, “Heck yes!” I love burgers. So, I went in, and the place was packed. I ordered a double cheeseburger, and while I was waiting, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I was just trying to enjoy my fries, and they were going at it. I mean, who fights in public like that?

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