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I tried it once—yep, Gandalf swiped! Met this lass, all flirty texts, “wanna Netflix?” Thought, “Mithril-tier date!” Nope! She ghosted—poof! Felt like Sauron tricked me, ragin’! But then—ha!—next night, scored a hookup. Total smokeshow, wild in bed, screamin’ “You shall not pass!” as a joke! Cracked me up, best part of it!

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Then, I decided to stroll down Elm St. It’s a cute street, lined with those old brick buildings. I love the vibe. But guess what? There was a street performer. A dude in a chicken suit. Seriously. He was dancing like he was on fire. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who doesn’t love a guy in a chicken suit? But then, he started asking for money. I was like, “Bro, I just gave you my dignity!”

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