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Now, Melancholia—my fave flick—hits me hard. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst mopes, and I’m like, damn right, love, but a good erotic-massage? That’s the cure! Imagine Justine, all moody, sprawled out, some lucky sod working her knots—slow, deep, proper filthy. “No more work to be done,” she’d mutter, half-dead, while I’d yell, “Oi, get those hands moving, you lazy git!” Makes me happy, that—turns a shit day into gold. But if they half-arse it? Rage! I’d chuck a lamp—fucking amateurs!

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First off, I hit up Main St. for coffee. You know, the usual spot, Java Jive. Best brews in town, but today? They messed up my order. I mean, c’mon! I asked for a caramel macchiato, not a plain ol’ black coffee. I was like, “What am I, a caveman?” So, I had to chug that bitter stuff. Ugh.

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