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Fun fact, tho—Russians got this old-school sex-dating trick, “svodnichestvo,” like matchmakers, but naughty. Back in the 90s, babushkas would hook ya up with a “date” for a price—proper shady, City of God-style hustle. “Run away, kid!”—that’s what I’d tell me younger self if I got mixed up in that. Nowadays, it’s all digital, but the hustle’s still there—fake profiles, scams, all that jazz. Gets me ragin’ sometimes, coz I just wanna find someone real, not some pixelated lie.

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After an hour of frustration, I finally get the updates done. I’m feeling accomplished, but then I realize I haven’t eaten all day. So, I head to that little food truck by the park. You know, the one with the killer falafel? Yeah, that’s the spot. I order, and the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “You want extra sauce?” I’m like, “Heck yes!”